Who Will Win Tonight’s Presidential Debate?

The first debate between presidential candidates Donald Trump (R) and Hillary Clinton (D) will soon begin. This will allow us to watch the two would-be POTUS contenders go head to head for the first time since the election cycle began. Huzzah. Barring the blessed intervention of a natural disaster or the improbable (but no less welcome) interruption of a Vogon fleet, we'll have 90 straight minutes to observe and judge their respective argumentation.

Lucky us.

Although we're relatively certain who most RECOIL readers will be voting for — one of the candidates is unabashedly anti-Second Amendment, after all — one can never be too sure. So we thought we'd ask,

Who Will Win Tonight's Presidential Debate?

The smug, Cheetoh-colored and solipsistic man with the strange, possibly parasitic-symbiotic toupée, or the loathsome and supercilious harridan with harpy blood in her veins?

Or could it be someone else — someone so awesome, of such impeccable character, they win despite not even being there? Someone so ridiculously fatuous and insincere they're even more appealing than the real candidates?

Let's find out. Cast your vote now.

Thank you for participating. Your Republic appreciates you.

About the Author: David Reeder is a verbigerative sciolist in good standing, working from within the secret world headquarters for the International Institute for the Proliferation of Tactical Sesquipedalianism. A military and LE veteran of some two and a half decades, he currently serves as the woefully unqualified web editor and desultory editorial staff member for RECOIL magazine. It has been said (quite accurately) that he never met a set of parentheses he didn't like. Reeder still teaches armed professionals (on occasion), maintains a modicum of relevance by continuing to work as a police reserve, and is a staunchly lexiphanicistic admirer of bathylkopian women from way back. He believes the current election cycle is an oligarchic travesty that should be narrated by the ghost of Don LaFontaine and accompanied by circus music. You can follow him on Instagram @davidreederwrites, though there's little (if any) compelling reason to.