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New Pro Gun Restaurant Hires Gun Bunny Waitresses

The founders of a once-popular chicken wing “breastaurant” chain known for a buxom wait staff are reportedly starting a new line of restaurants that will capitalize upon the recent popularity of female Instagram gun personalities.

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“Shooters”, a firearms-themed brewpub with gun bunny waitresses will open its first store along Gulf-to-Bay Blvd in Clearwater, FL, not far from the original location of a certain iconic breastaurant.

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“We couldn’t ignore this fast growing trend of mixing basic male desires: hot women, hot firearms, and what we’re good at – hot wings!” noted Ed, one of the original founders. “We know the recipe for building fun gathering places, and when we were dreaming up a new concept brewpub, one of our interns kept checking his iPhone Instagram page. When we called him on it, he showed us TacTina and LauraBattle4’s accounts, both which had over 1 million likes. The lightbulb popped on in a big way. We knew right then we had our next big thing – and let’s face it, there’s not that big a difference between a scantily clad waitress and a Gun Bunny. They just serve wings instead of lead!”

Skimpy uniforms that were the mainstay at previous breastaurants will get a tactical upgrade – specially-made BLACKHAWK! Serpa holsters will carry straws and napkins on a low-slung Condor Gear web belt that’s as foxy as it is functional. Tight 5.11 shorts and a licensed Article15 uniform tank top are tentatively slated to continue the tacticool theme.

“Initially, we didn’t think of the gun community as open to this style of branding. But our focus group brought forward advertisements from a company called EAA – amazing. No idea this girl-gun crossover existed until then. But it’s obvious. Guys like guns. Guys like girls. And while female Instagram gun bunnies all seem to hate each other, they still follow to see what the others are up to. So girls will be drawn to this concept as well – And we want to tap that female market.”

Here their company attorney suggested Droste use a different phrasing.

EAA advertisements like this one were utilized in focus groups for the new restaurant.

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The SHOT Show-esque theme continues throughout the signature menu items: A “Ruger Burger.” Their light bites “Walther Walnut Salad”, A snack-sized pizza (“Great as a small bites appetizer with our custom microbrews,” notes Droste) clearly pulls from Beretta’s iconic branding. “Brownell’s Brownies” cap the menu with a decadent sundae, served hot with a fudge drizzle over Blue Bell ice cream with bacon crumbles. (“Big enough to three to share: but market research is showing that many gun guys will order one just for themselves – They just key in on that dang bacon!”)

Concept Menu ideas

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 Shooters is aware of the edgy politics associated with their new chain, but they’re no stranger to controversy. Says newly-hired CEO Dale Nixon, “Hooters was launched in the days before political correctness. We feel people today need that same light hearted release that doesn’t take itself too seriously.” He continues, “And we don’t want to be only about guns, per se. We don’t want to send the wrong message and plan on working with any segments the community that may be offended by any of the themes.”

Here Droste could scarely contain his excitement. “We just couldn’t ignore the YouTube view counts BunnyLovesHunting was getting – 3.2 million views!” he exclaims. “Just for stroking a Kel-Tec with some custom Cerakote! We think that that shows high enough acceptance for this to be welcomed nationally.”

Still, cities like Boston are already mounting zoning challenges against the chain’s proposed locations – which some suspect are just thinly-veiled anti-gun and Puritanical resistance. “We’ve been down this road before. Putting bikini girls in -20 degree Minneapolis rankled some people. Perhaps, in retrospect, it was a little exploitational. Perhaps.” Here Ed drifted off introspectively. “…But 850,00 likes on this one photo? We’re not wrong here. We’re not wrong.”

Popularity of many different Instagram accounts apparently inspired the Tactical Girl themed restaurant.

 

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SHOOTERS is slated to open its Clearwater location’s doors in the third quarter of 2016.


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