You’re Too Old and Too Weak for Guns

Here it is. The stupidest thing you'll read all day — probably all week, and that's saying something since tomorrow is April Fool's Day and Joy Behar still has a Twitter account. Gawker “Senior Writer” Hamilton Nolan recently penned an article addressing retirees and “old people” who own guns.

We live in scary times: sharia law, foreigners, and rape gangs haunt the streets of this once great nation. Some old people believe that they must arm themselves in order to find peace and safety.

Wrong. Old people. Wrong. Want to find safety? Can you even “find [the] safety” on the handgun you’ve purchased? Probably not very quickly, with your poor eyesight and fingers ravaged by arthritis.

Well. That's an interesting observation. But wait, it gets better!

Might as well get yourself a dragon, or a unicorn trained to be your bodyguard. That would help you just as much.

When you’re old you’re slow as hell and decades of muscle erosion have made you weak. Pretty much any healthy young person can beat you up. Is a gun gonna even things out? Nope. In order for that gun to work you have to pull it out and aim it in a moment of crisis. While you’re fumbling to do that, all slow, a young person is just pushing you on the ground. And taking your gun out of your feeble hands.

Leave the guns to the young nuts, oldie.

I hesitate to send any more traffic Gawker's way, but the rest of the article is so incredibly…well, stupid, it almost deserves to be read as an object lesson. I mean, it really is astonishing.

Stop watching cable news so much. All it does is scare you. Failing to take your medication is the greatest threat you need to worry about now.

Your reflexes are faded as hell so you might as well just learn to get along with people. Who do you think you are, Charles Bronson? More like Charles Osgood. Stop acting crazy.

Sure, physicality can play a role in what weapon, if any, is suitable for a particular individual, but damn. Vitriol much? I'll give him his due for an ability to turn a phrase and articulate his point (if only he used his powers for good, not evil) and of course also his freedom to express a ridiculous opinion under the First Amendment. Luckily that same amendment allows me to jump on here and describe him as a Windex-poisoned asshat.

Astonishing.

Read the entire bromidic and insulting diatribe here if you are so inclined.

Oh, and somebody tell this nice lady she's too long in the tooth to own or carry a gun. Doesn't matter that she can ring steel under stress and time constraints at distance.

Photos by the inestimable Jerry Sarkody of Rat Mountain Design.

#grandmamaximus

NEXT STEP: Download Your Free Target Pack from RECOIL

For years, RECOIL magazine has treated its readers to a full-size (sometimes full color!) shooting target tucked into each big issue. Now we've compiled over 50 of our most popular targets into this one digital PDF download. From handgun drills to AR-15 practice, these 50+ targets have you covered. Print off as many as you like (ammo not included).

Get your pack of 50 Print-at-Home targets when you subscribe to the RECOIL email newsletter. We'll send you weekly updates on guns, gear, industry news, and special offers from leading manufacturers - your guide to the firearms lifestyle.

You want this. Trust Us.